Hey im sorry, i havent been on tumblr for sooo long and im not sure how long ago you wrote this. Are you ok??
I'm terrible right now. Don't even know it fucking anything can't do anything can't even describe this right now
Hello my lovely followers!
Just updating that everything is good with me,
Im applying for a part time job tomorrow. My amazing man hasnt left me yet after the hell iv put him through so thats always a good sign!!
Everyday im finding new things to fall in love with!
How is each and every one of you?? Would love to hear back from you all (:
As my day went by
the pain got worse
fighting all the time
all i ever do is try,
i gave in to my demons
as i swallowed the last pill
hoping i wouldnt wake
so everyones life culd begin,
i dont remember much
my thoughts slipping away
opening my eyes as im
drinking thick black goo,
so sad to be alive.
I feel happy.
I meet some1 tht makes me laugh.
I feel good inside.
Im nt hungry anymore so iv lost weight.
People tel me im looking to skinny.
They lecture me i need to eat more.
Theyr suprised as the numbers on the scales go dwn.
They think i need help.
Something dies…and another is re-born.
You come to a point in your life where you just want it to be over, you go to commit suicide but get caught, then get sent to a mental ward for two weeks. Professionals come in and out of your room trying to talk to you and find out whats wrong. Your medication gets increased 3 times the amount you had before. You meet some cool people…and some crazy ones too. You even get a new diagnosis you didn’t know you had.
Then by the end of two weeks you feel a little better and start to think ‘hmm maybe that was my low and now im going to be alright’. You finally get to leave the ward and you feel confident about how things are going to change. You quit your course, move houses, towns. The first week you feel good since your not stuck in a room for 24 hours a day.
But as time goes on and the weeks go by, you start feeling low again. You start doubting yourself, sleep turns into none, you feel tired, become withdrawn and feel depressed about everything. And soon enough, the thoughts of suicide re-enter your mind…
And the cycle starts again…
SO after spending 15 days in the inpatient ward i am finally out! After all that trouble of helping me get back on track with my life have failed miserably. I think the only good things that came out of it was getting the right medication for me, being diagnosed borderline, and meeting some cool people, or as i like to call them, my ‘mental friends’.
Things are going to be tough from here on out, especially since i dont have someone checking on me every 15 minutes, 24 hours a day! The world suddenly seems so big to me now. Staying positive. I hope things will change for me. But if not, at least ill still have my friends in the mental ward! :p
Hope everyone is doing okay xx